My Soulmate is a Psycho!
by Queen of Mischief
Summary: When Hinata tries a peculiar pink notebook that claims to help you find your soulmate, she did not expect crazed psycho-dude. Well, Gaara doesn't like it any more than she does, with all the misfortunes coming his way. Crack fic, GaaHina
1. La Prologue: The Notebook

_A Message from the Authoress:_

_Ehhh... yeah. I haven't written a fanfic in a while (yes, I've written fanfictions before) so I'm a bit rusty here. I also tend to procrastinate and find little time to write, so please expect a loooong wait. You could probably watch the whole Naruto series, the fillers, __and__ the movies while waiting for this crapload of a story to update itself._

_Anyway, expect a bit of OOC-ishness, and maybe even see me, the Authoress, randomly pop up to tie a few things together. So if you don't like it, don't read it. Otherwise, you may proceed._

--

**Prologue: The Notebook**

The pony-tailed blonde, the bluenette, and the pinky sat in a circle on Hinata's bedroom floor.

"No really, Hinata-chan. You should try this."

"Totally." Sakura and Ino slid a pink notebook across the table over to Hinata.

Looking at the faded cover, she clutched it with both hands. "Y-you don't possibly believe—"

"Oh, but it's true! Look at the first page," said Ino, grinning.

"Umm... 'Wears black on my birthday', 'jumps on top of a table during lunch and proclaims love', and 'wears my favorite perfume'...? Didn't Shikamaru need to go to a funeral on your birthday?"

Ino leaned on the table. "Yeah... and?"

"And he once got really drunk and jumped on a table, remember?" Sakura recounted.

The blonde kunoichi just smiled. "He said he loved clouds," she sighed.

Hinata blinked. Ino was in a different world now. Probably full of flowers, yes, and maybe a certain guy... and clouds. Yes, of course. Clouds.

Ino giggled. "Okay, she's gone," Sakura announced.

"Well, Hinata, it worked for me, too. I found Sasuke-kun and Tenten got Neji-san." She smiled at her.

Talking to the notebook, Hinata mumbled, "I dunno..."

"What are ya talking about?" Sakura said, "Don't you want to find out who your soulmate is?"

"B-but what if Naruto-kun—"

"—isn't your soulmate? If he isn't, then you won't be happy with him. Duh. Besides, he's not the guy for you." Sakura snorted. Dumping her for that little beyotch was a hard blow.

The room was silent for a moment, until Hinata spoke, "I'll try it."

"Good. Oh, crap! I forgot! The principal needs us for the committee meeting!" Scrambling for her bags, she grabbed Ino by the arm. "C'mon Ino, we're late."

Hinata giggled. "Bye guys."

Right then and there, Hinata's mind was made up: _Yes. She'll try the notebook._

--

_I know, bad prologue. Sorry. The next chapters will be better. And longer. Promise. Maybe I'll update sometime next week. :)  
_

_Oh, and the disclaimer (almost forgot): I don't own Naruto._

_And you know that little button over there that says 'review'? I'd really appreciate it if you clicked that.  
_


	2. Chapter 1: I forgot the title

_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIITT!!! Before I start: _

_A big 'thank you' to those people who made my heart (and ego) swell with gratitude… _

_I'm literally bouncing on my chair as I write this (almost fell out of it too, good thing the bed's right behind me). I forgot where I put my notebook (where I wrote the story), so I'm gonna have to recall from memory. I have bad memory-recalling skills. I think you know what that means._

_And the title was__ supposed__ to have a question mark in it, but I dunno how it got erased… Never mind that. Anyway, you probably don't care about my useless rambling. Let's get on with the story._

_--_

**My Soulmate is a Psycho?! Chapter 1: Shoot! I forgot the Title!!!**

_Dear Diary,_

_Nothing much happened today. Well, except that Ino and Sakura-chan dropped by unannounced to borrow some of my books._

_They showed me this peculiar pink notebook, saying that it will help me find my soulmate. Right, like I really need to know. Naruto-kun's new girlfriend is really not a good match for him. I place my bets on sometime next week. Anyway, I'm gonna try it later, you know, it's not like it's real, anyway._

_Hmm…I wonder if a shinigami will pop up if I use that notebook, you know, Killer Note-style. Yeah, that show. Nah. Maybe Cupid, eh?_

_I'm rambling again. Got to go—planning world domination._

_Love, Hinata_

Putting the diary aside, and after making sure the door was locked, Hinata pulled a shoebox from under her bed. In it were dozens of large folded blue sheets. She took one out and started working on her next diabolical plot.

--

Earlier that day, Sakura Haruno was dragging a seemingly-intoxicated Ino inside the school grounds. They were late. _Very_ late.

Getting to the door, Sakura yanked at the handle. It wouldn't budge. Without so much as another thought, she did the only thing she could think of: They burst violently through the wall.

The council members turned to see who caused all the ruckus. What they saw was smoke and dust. And when that settled down, there was a big gaping hole where the wall was supposed to be, and two girls in the middle of it.

"The, uh, door wouldn't open. It was locked," she grinned sheepishly.

"It wasn't locked, what did you do?"

"Well, when I pulled it, it wouldn't open."

"Ahem," Sasuke coughed. He pointed to the door. There was a sign that said 'push'.

"Oh."

"Well then, take a seat, we were just about to start discussing the proposal of the new bla blah bla blahblah…" said this very boring man in a business suit.

—Around thirty minutes later—

"..bla bla blah..." Man, was this guy _boring_! The others seemed to think so too, because most of them were sleeping. That included Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, Lee (which is a shock), and pretty much the rest of the committee, except for Sasuke, who already left, and Shino, who I can't tell if he was sleeping or not.

"…blabla blah blah… Thank you." That last statement was met with a standing ovation. You would too, if someone finally finished a long and boring speech.

Tsunade (the principal) and Shizune hurried up front. The others were getting up and looked ready to leave.

"Wait—before you go, about the speaker's proposal…" Everyone groaned.

"The transferees…" Nobody reacted. (Wait, what transferees?) "…are Temari, Kankuro, Chiyo, and… Gaara."

--

Hinata looked at the notebook beside her. It seemed to beckon her. Taking her eyes off her latest scheme, she flipped the notebook to the fifth page and started scribbling.

When she was done, she turned around and fell asleep.

--

_Ha! Finally finished!! I was so hyped up to type this in!! Oh, and I just found my notebook a while ago! _

_Meh, the disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Death Note. XD_

_Oh, and do you think I should do a short fic on Hinata's plot? Eh? Whaddya think?_

_Please review. _


	3. Chapter 2: First Test

_Hello. After ah... eleven billion years, I've decided to continue this story. It took me forever to hunt down the email I used for the ff account (haha not really). I just came up with a billion ideas for this story which may or may not be good. Also, I have an exam tomorrow so I'm procrastinating like crazy. I give myself three hours of fun fun time before I start to panic. _

_And I will waste this three hours of fun fun time alternating between this and pretending to be reading the tabs I opened for studying. I'm a horrible study-person. Also, characters may be extremely OOC at times. Changed rating from K+ to T because I am now older and cuss a lot. My word count is getting higher too. So I apologize in advance if the story gets too long to read to find the funny bits. _

_I shall start by saying that I do not own Naruto, but I shall also say that this statement is competely unnecessary. If I owned Naruto then this should probably on fictionpress or something. I could have published this into a book. _

_Okay. Lengthy author's note done. Let's do this._

CHAPTER 2: First Test

The first day of school started uneventfully. After a quick orientation and welcoming of new students, everyone started on their way to their new homerooms. Well, they tried; the hallways were packed. There was always something interesting everywhere you go. Look to the left and you'll see the usual dicks gang up on some nerdy looking kids. Then watch said nerdy-looking kids beat the shit out of them.

On the right you'll find someone waving his bloody severed right arm like a wand. The owner of the arm (who has since been taken to the hospital, and later to be sent to the psychiatric ward) is left-handed.

After a full two hours of nobody making it to their room, self-proclaimed-king-of-the-halls and mama's boy Kyuta threatened to call his mom. It should be noted that his mom also happens to be the principal, and a scary one at that.

At this, the hallways were emptied faster than you could read this sentence.

"Ahem." The teacher cleared his throat. Instantly the class fell silent. The effect was lost 3 seconds later, when he opened the door and let the-very wet-latecomers in. Two of them were the new transferees-a tall red-haired kid and a small girl who looked half his height. Behind them was Hinata, who quickly apologized for her tardiness and moved to take a seat.

She was caught in the middle of a huge water fight because some idiot thought that Suna-village people needed some water and gave them a shower with a fire hose. Hinata tried to ignore all the gawking and whispering as she quickened her pace and made her way to the back, since those had the only seats available.

_How embarrasing!_ she thought as she plopped onto her seat, sinking lower and lower as she tried to hide the purple-striped bra that was showing underneath the thin fabric of her uniform. _Well, at least I didn't have to stand in front of the class. I would rather die._

At front beside the teacher (who hasn't introduced himself yet) still stood Gaara and Chiyo. The girl was near crying, hands clenched tightly at her sides and staring down at her shoes, trying hard not to look at all the people in front of her. _This was not what I planned! So much for a good first impression. Now everyone will know me as the crybaby... She burst into tears. _

Nobody knew what to do. The teacher reached over and awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder. The students just stared at each other awkwardly. They watched as he escorted her out to take to the office. As for Gaara, he'd already disappeared; most likely to find that idiot with the hose. How dare he! If it weren't for that-that girl, he would have been dead by now.

With the instructor gone, the rest of the class started shuffling out one by one. Hushed whispers and murmurs turned into rumors: What did Hinata have to do with thoose Suna kids? Why was that girl crying? Well it can't be that weird boy's fault right? What the hell is wrong with Hinata, making a poor kid cry like that?

And before she knew it, everyone hated her. She sighed. She took out the pink notebook and added another entry. She crossed out the first line: "He will be the first person I talk to at school tomorrow."

She'd planned to wait by the flagpole to greet Naruto a good morning, but he wasn't there. She turned around the corner to bump into a very angry Gaara. She almost toppled over if Gaara hadn't reached out and pulled her by the arm.

"Th-thank you," she said automatically.

By then Gaara was already running out of the school gates. Hinata ran to catch up with him. What am I doing? I'm going to miss the assembly, she thought. Well, I have to make sure this guy stays out of trouble, he's new after all. Yeah, that's right.

Gaara ignored the girl running behind him. He quickened his pace, hoping he could

leave her behind. It didn't work. He shrugged and focused on chasing the kid with the whiskers. It really shouldn't be so hard; he kidnapped Chiyo, for crying out loud! That damn brat could scream like no other.

After about an hour of fruitless searching, Gaara was just about ready to give up. He'd lost the short-haired girl a long time ago. He sat down on the edge of a fountain, thinking. Maybe he could tell Grandma Chiyo that she ran away. Yeah right. Like she'd ever buy that excuse.

He ran a hand through his hair. Where are Temari and Kankuro when he needed them? They should be the ones babysitting that brat-not him. Especially not him.

_I swear-If I ever find that brat I'd strangle her to death. She's old enough to get herself out of trouble, goddammit. _

Gaara stood up and set out to look for her again.

/End Chapter Two

Well that was short. I think my author notes are longer than the actual story, but shhh. Anyway, I got too excited to submit this (short attention span) and decided to stop the story here, so I can keep you guys waiting for another two years. :D Oh, and if you want to nag me to continue this, just head on over to .com. I'm more active there. Hope you liked the story! Reviews will make me work harder!


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